Monday, October 5, 2009

Aid Stations of Life...

So here I sit on an idle Monday evening, sick to some degree, something just not feeling right in my body. A little freaked out because I am awaiting some test results from my doctor. Long story, but I saw my Doctor Friday, just to make sure I don't have anything really wrong with my lower abdomen, and after the obligatory 'pee in the cup' test, I saw my Doctor's eyes pop out of his head when he did the initial stick test of the sample and said, "Well I am really not sure what that means, looks like I have to send this to the lab". Okay, probably an over share for you, the infrequent reader, but it basically has ruined my weekend, and made me think about a lot of things that I really don't want to be thinking about at this age of my life.

One positive from this ordeal is thinking about my life in general, and realizing that one should never tell themselves that they can't do something, or negatively dismiss anything because they feel like they are too old or too young, or really anything.

I feel like this is a point in my life where I am sitting at an aid station on the journey of life. Thinking about what has transpired in the past, not really knowing the lay of the land on the next section of the course, but realizing that this is the time to take stock, re-equip myself with the right gear and attitude, and keep on moving. If the course isn't what I expect it to be, I'll take a page out of any trail runner's book (at least those worth their salt tabs) and ADAPT.

I really hate my job because it has no intrinsic value, and I am basically a cog in a corporate machine, something I swore I'd never become. I really like the idea of getting into social work and/or psychology, specifically working with people and families in hospice and hospital settings dealing with disease or end of life situations. It is tough work, but I am the type of person that would be fine with a small pay check (I mean, I have that right now!) if I was making a real difference in the lives of others.

So I have started the journey, not sure how I can parlay an English degree into a spot in a Psychology graduate program, but even if it takes 10 years, I know the time, effort and sacrifice will be worth it. Especially when 10 years of the current flavor really will only get me to a place where I might be a slightly bigger cog in the corporate machine.

In the mean time I will learn and volunteer in the places where I one day want to be employed and hopefully through the experience will figure it out somehow.

I have been trying to run amid the lower ab stuff, only asking of my body what it can give. I have done a couple 'Gallowalking' runs, more walking than running, but activity nonetheless, and I remained dilligent with my barefooting, running/walking 2.25 miles in the Vibrams last night with much delight.

Hoping to be back on the trails soon, but for now I am going to sit in the folding chair somewhere on the trail of life, reflecting and planning. I laugh at people who say, relax, it is a marathon, not a sprint, but for me, life really is an ultra, and no two miles seem to ever look or feel the same!

Happy trails!


Ryan said...

Hey don't get to comfortable in that folding chair. Hope the lower ad stuff is minor.

pathfinder said...

Very insightful entry Rob, I sure hope everything works out with the test results. I am actually going to the doctor today as I went for a DOT physical last week and they said my BP was high....doesn't make sense to me but I will know more today.

I know exactally what you mean about the job...I would love to show up each day do what I love, I do enjoy parts of my job but it seems to be going downhill fast. I think I am changing, not my job. I don't embrace the stress anymore.